


Lost Innocence

by pandabob



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Domestic Violence, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Lewis Summer Challenge 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-18 18:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11880372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandabob/pseuds/pandabob
Summary: Staying late at work was something James did for the sake of his own health, it kept him away from the whisky bottle, but when it put him in a position to help his boss his whole life changed.IMPORTANTThis is a 2 chapter story please make sure you read the notes and choose carefully.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT
> 
> Please read the notes at the end of this chapter before you click next chapter, it's very important.

The first time it happened James was sure that she was telling the truth. However much it didn’t make sense that she’d have come all the way to the station to find a first aid kit to fix the cut above her eye the fact that she looked fine but for the blood, and that she’d asked for his help in steristripping the cut back together obviously meant she had no concerns about him finding her, far after the end of the work day, sitting in her darkened office bleeding from a cut above her eye. So she must be telling the truth.

Walking into a cupboard door did actually happen to some people, he’d done it himself, while a little worse for wear, but then he was a good foot taller and much more clumsy than the usually calm, controlled and fully operational Jean Innocent. 

The cut was only small, three strips were all he needed to hold it together, and a small amount of cotton wool, soaked in warm water had cleared away the blood, leaving some sign of a bruise coming up around her eye but there seemed to be nothing else to worry about so when she’d accepted his offer of a lift home he’d been happy to help her avoid the rain. He dropped her off with a smile giving it no further thought especially when there was no sign of any bruising or even the steristrips when he saw her at work two days later. 

 

The second time James’ primary feeling was guilt for even being there. 

Home alone every night, drinking far too much whisky for reasons he didn’t even understand himself, and drifting further from his own expectations of himself every day had led him to make the decision not to go home tonight until he was sure that he could only just keep his eyes open long enough to get there.

He’d been looking through some old case files, looking for anything he or Lewis had missed that might just get them solved and off his desk, and more importantly get the perpetrator off the streets, when he heard hurried footsteps down the corridor and then the door slam shut on Innocent’s office.

After ten minutes no one had exited Innocent’s office and he knew that he should really check that they didn’t actually have an intruder so he made his way quietly to the door and knocked, “Ma’am is that you? It’s Hathaway.”

There was no reply so he turned the handle and pushed the door open. The lights were on, the blinds were closed as they always were at night or he’d have avoided this situation by simply glancing through the window, assuring himself that it was Innocent in her own office, and he’d have left her alone rather than finding himself stood in her office doorway, listening to what sounded like crying and feeling like he should leave quickly before he was noticed while also knowing he needed to help.

“I’ll grab the first aid kit Ma’am; I’ll be back in a minute.” 

James turned and almost ran to the kitchen, retrieving the first aid kit, a cloth, a towel and a jug of warm water before he returned to Innocent’s office and closed the door behind him, in case anyone else was still in the building.

Innocent had stopped crying, and had clearly tried to sort herself out before James saw her because she had blood stains down the arms of her jacket and smears across her cheeks as well as drips of blood on the desk. 

She didn’t even ask why he was there at almost midnight on Wednesday night. James was grateful for that because he really didn’t want to have to try and answer her questions while trying not to ask all the questions he had in his own head. ‘Why was she bleeding? What were the bruises on her wrists, why was she crying and most importantly of all in James’ head why had she come to hide in her office rather than going home to her husband?’

There was no easy clean up this time, he had to refill his jug of water four times before the cloth was coming away clean from her cheeks. It appeared to be her nose that was bleeding, it didn’t feel broken when James checked it, mentally comparing it to his when it had ‘got broken’ when he was a kid, not that he was an expert. Innocent was happy to take his assurance though, she clearly didn’t want anyone else to check it, even Dr Hobson.

Bruises were rising on both her cheek bones and the marks, not finger marks he told himself, on her wrists were turning slightly purple and were obviously getting more painful. Without a word, but carefully and slowly in the hope of causing no pain or embarrassment James crouched down in front of Innocent, watching her closely as he reached for her right hand and pushed back the sleeve of her shirt looking for any further bruises and then did the same with the left.

There didn’t seem to be anything wrong above the wrist, at least not on her arms and James relaxed slightly, standing up and sitting himself in the edge on the desk next to her. “If you don’t mind me asking Ma’am,”

Innocent coughed out a pained laugh, “Don’t Ma’am me right now James, please.”

“Sorry,” James reached for her shoulder, squeezing it just slightly and then hating himself when she flinched and apparently answered the question he was going to ask. He stood up and stepped away, apologising again and trying to give her space.

“Don’t go James, please.” 

He stepped closer again, he was never one to walk away from someone in need and certainly not from someone who meant as much to him as his boss. He crouched back down in front of her again. “I’m not going anywhere, not until you want me to.” Innocent lifted her eyes to his, and smiled as well as she could manage. “I was mugged James, shouldn’t have been out so late on my own, I’m bruised but I’ll fix, thanks.”

James reached for her hand, holding it gently and asking a question he already knew the answer to, “Are you going to report it? Shall I take photos for evidence?” He knew the answer was no to both questions and somewhere inside his head, however hard he fought it, he knew that there hadn’t really been a mugging, not that he was going to question the story right now. The fact that the story was so clearly made up was also the reason he chose not to address the fact she was blaming herself for her situation however much he had to bite his tongue to stop himself. What was needed now was to care, to support and to look after and if there was one thing he was good at, had always been good at, it was caring for people who were hurt by things they didn’t dare name.

That night James had taken Innocent home to his flat for sweet tea and a better first aid kit before doing as she asked and taking her home, wishing her a relaxing long weekend while hating every thought of the idea that he wouldn’t see her again, and be able to check that she was ok, for four long days.

 

The third time James had felt surprised and also slightly impressed by his ability to communicate with his boss in anything but an ordinary way.

There’d been many times since the second time when he knew he’d not been where he should have been when Innocent needed him. Many mornings when she’d asked him what he’d been up to the night before and he knew, or almost knew, that she’d arrived at the office in the night looking for him. There were a number of days when, because he was always looking too close nowadays, he noticed make up that was too thick, blouses that came down too far over her hands and, on one occasion when he nearly spoke out of turn, a scarf that was neatly tied around her neck.

Each time she asked where he was James hurriedly and clearly stated that he was at home, he was always at home if he wasn’t in the office and she’d obviously, eventually, heard him.

 

James heard a knock on his front door and, for a half a second, he considered knocking back the rest of the whiskey in his glass and ignoring it but then decided against it and placed the glass on the table before making his way to the door.

As he pulled the door open, Innocent almost fell through it, she’d obviously been leaning on it, hiding from the rain, and why wouldn’t she be when she was stood there in only a shirt and skirt, no shoes, with blood running down her face and arms. 

“Ma’am!” James caught her gently as she fell and pulled her through the door, closing it quickly behind her. 

“Don’t James,” Innocent hid her face against his chest

“Sorry, I …” James took a breath and reached his arm down to lift Innocent up into his arms, cradling her against his chest. “Shall we go to the bathroom? Get you cleaned up?”

Innocent nodded against his shoulder and James carried her the short walk down the hall and through the door before sitting her gently down on the toilet where he could crouch down on the floor in front of her. 

“What do you want me to do?” Innocent knew exactly what James meant by the question and, for the first time, probably because she knew they would be private and James would do nothing with them until she asked him too she took a breath to steady herself and then asked him to fetch his camera.

Having checked that the date and time were right on the machine James took a few quick snaps, trying to remember the kinds of things he’d seen in files that had crossed his desk while internally flinching at that idea, and then a few closer, more detailed pictures of what looked like teeth marks on her neck and a bright purple hand shaped mark on her cheek. 

All the time James was taking pictures blood kept running from her lips and somewhere just above her hair line and after a very short while James couldn’t wait any longer to try and fix her.

“We might take a few more after if you want to but shall we try and clean you up now?”

Innocent nodded and then started to cry, “What am I going to wear James, this lots ruined, I shouldn’t have come, I'm sorry.”

James got up from his crouching on the floor, shaking his legs to relieve the pins and needles, and left the room, returning a couple of minutes later with a bundle of clothes over his arm. “You’ll wear this and these for now,” James held up a pair of fleece pyjamas that were the warmest and cosiest he owned and his long, blue, wraparound dressing gown. “And then there are these for wherever you’re going after here.” 

Innocent huffed out a laugh and then doubled over in pain causing James to drop the skirt and blouse on the floor and catch her as he thought she was going to fall from her seat “What the hell James?”

James held her close and rubbed her back gently, not quite sure if there were injuries there too, and as matter of factly as he could he explained, “I hated sending you home covered in blood last time and decided I wasn’t doing it again.”

Innocent made another sound, James wasn’t quite sure what it was but he stayed where he was, holding her tightly until the sound stopped and she was ready to get cleaned up.

It took a while, James stopping to take a photo each time a new mark was uncovered, but eventually all the blood was gone and all the visible cuts had stopped bleeding. “You might need that bite looking at; I think it’s broken the skin.”

Innocent didn’t say anything but the shake of her head told James exactly what she thought of that idea so he didn’t push but he did take a couple more photos.

“Can I have a shower? Do you mind?”

James stood up to move things of the bath, “I don’t mind at all, I almost suggested it but I didn’t want to overstep.”

“I’ve come to your home, in the middle of the night, covered in blood and you’re the one worried you’re overstepping, Bloody hell James I think we’re way past that!”

“I’m glad you came, well obviously not glad you needed to, but glad you felt you could, I know that there’ve been times I haven’t been where you needed me.”

“It’s not your job to look after me James; I’m a grown bloody woman!”

James turned to look at Innocent and fixed her with his eyes, “Yes, you are. You’re an amazing, intelligent, strong and beautiful woman but that doesn’t alter the fact that now and again, for one reason or another, you need someone to be there and I like that you let that someone be me.”

James turned his attention back to setting up the shower not sure exactly how this was going to work.

 

Innocent struggled for a moment or two, trying to undo the cuffs of her blouse to make it easier to get over her bruised wrists but eventually she gave up. 

“James?” 

The uncertainty in her voice made James turn around almost in panic, 

“What do you need?”

“I need you to overstep about four hundred marks and help me get this off.” Innocent gestured to the front of her blouse, looking rather uncomfortable about it and James quickly moved towards her, wanting to get it done, and to stop her feeling uncomfortable, as quickly as possible.

It felt strange, helping his boss out of her clothes in his bathroom, but that feeling soon turned to anger when he carefully slipped her blouse from her shoulders, avoiding the bite marks on her neck, only to find bruises, bite marks and scratches of obviously varying ages, scattered across her back. 

He knew that she’d felt the change in his mood when she flinched away, trying to pull her blouse back around her and he was very glad that he was stood behind her because he would have hated her to see the anger, which he was sure was written clear across his face.

“Don’t.” He reached for her hand gently and stopped her attempts to cover up, trying to comfort her whilst also trying not to touch her, “I’ll just take some pictures, and then you can get in and get sorted ok and I’ll make you something to eat,”

Innocent nodded but kept her head bowed, eyes well away from James, while he tried his best to capture everything on film. There were at least five sets of teeth marks, all of which had broken the skin and left bruising, two hand prints, one a startling shade of purple and the other an odd shade of yellowy-green, and numerous scratches and grazes. 

Taking the photos provided a diversion for James’ thoughts, focus on the evidence rather than the victim, (Oh how he hated that word!) but when he put the camera down he could feel the sadness rise in his throat and, without any thought for the fact that the poor woman was shirtless he couldn’t help himself but to wrap his arms around he and pull her safe against him. “I’m so, so sorry Jean”

James felt Innocent snuggle a little closer and she wrapped her arms around his back, holding her own hands together as if wanting to ensure he couldn’t escape, and they stood for a while, James rocking slightly trying to provide any comfort he could for as long as she needed it.

Finally Innocent let go and James took the chance to check the temperature of the shower, lift the shampoo and soap down from the shelf and left her to shower in peace and privacy.

 

 

James prepared scrambled eggs on toast and a pot of tea, and downloaded the camera’s memory card to his computer while he waited for Innocent to finish her shower. Setting up a new folder, with password protection, he downloaded all the pictures he’d taken and then deleted them from the camera so that there was no risk of anyone, even him, seeing them again by accident, they were far too personal and far too important for that to happen.

Innocent arrived in the kitchen, dressed in the pyjama’s James had left for her and she looked so cosy and warm as she wrapped the long sleeves for the hooded top around her. “Thanks for these James, very cosy.” She smiled a smile that almost reached her eyes and James flashed his best smile back, “I’m glad you like them. Come, eat.”

James gestured to the table and Innocent sat down in one of the set places.

“You’re too good to me James; you really didn’t need to cook at this time of night.”

“It’s no bother, I never eat enough anyway, just ask my boss” James winked and Innocent huffed out a laugh and then flinched at the pain it cause in her back.

“It’s still nice of you, I’m starving.”

 

Between them they ate six slices of warm buttered toast and four large eggs scrambled and James talked far more than he ever had in his life and about all sorts of nonsense. Innocent seemed to appreciate his efforts as she nodded along and contributed to the conversation where she could. 

Talking about nonsense helped James kick his detective’s brain into neutral and avoid asking any of the questions he wanted to ask of the ‘victim’ and instead to move himself on as he had both times before, back to talking to his boss and waiting for instructions on what to do next, this time though was different.

“James…” Innocent spoke and stopped James’ train of conversation, “Could I possibly… you can say no if you want but…” She was playing with her fork and staring at the table and obviously struggling with what she wanted to say.

James reached his hand across the table, placing it around Innocent’s hand on her fork and waited for her to look up at him. When she did he smiled slightly and squeezed her hand gently. “What do you want? I’ll do anything.”

“Even give up your bed?” the words came out quickly and Innocent looked shocked herself as she heard them but James took the question as if he’d already been expecting it. “I changed the sheets while you were in the shower, I’d assumed you were staying, I’ve got blankets on the sofa and you need some sleep before you do whatever you do tomorrow”

James could see pain as well as the gratitude in Innocent’s eyes and he took the opportunity to say one more thing. “You could stay forever; you don’t have to go back.”

“Thank you James.” Was the only response he got as Innocent carefully stood up from the table and wished him good night.

 

James heard the front door close at six o’clock the next morning and hurt his head as he threw it back against the sofa arm, cursing loudly. Why was there so much evil in the world and why could he never protect those he cared about. 

 

 

 

 

 

Lewis had been talking about retiring and trying his best to persuade James into taking his inspectors exams for a while but when things suddenly got serious, and HR were looking into Lewis’ pension something happened that finally made James tune back in to his DI’s constant topic of conversation but it had nothing to do with him looking for promotion.

Sat in the pub, sharing a lunch time pint as they often did, Lewis was talking about his earlier run in with Innocent. “She doesn’t believe I’ll go you know, says she can’t believe I’m serious. I told her I wanted to spend more time with family and with Laura hopefully and do you know what she said?”

James wasn’t really listening but noticed the pause that meant he was supposed to speak so he made a none committal noise that he hoped would say the right thing and continued to focus on his dinner.

“She said ‘It’s nice to know one of us looks forward to going home.’ “

James suddenly sat up in his chair and turned his full attention to Lewis, “She said what Sir?”

Lewis looked slightly confused at the sudden interest but he repeated what he said. 

“Did she say anything else?” 

“No, I don’t think so. Why?”

James studied Lewis’ face looking for any suggestion that he might not be telling the truth or that he might be mistaken but there was nothing there so he tried to relax back into his chair, feigning losing interest. “Has Innocent said anything like that before?”

“Not to me, Mr Innocent’s never around though is he, it must be lonely”

“Especially now you’re not available to escort her Sir.” James smirked his very own look at Lewis who shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“Yeah I guess. Anyway, drink up, work time”

 

James tried to concentrate on the case during the afternoon rather than letting his rather overactive brain run away with him but he struggled greatly.

He’d kept a list in his diary, he knew he shouldn’t have and she’d kill him if she found out, but James was sure that there’d been ten incidents in the months since Innocent had slept at his flat, times when she wasn’t quite walking properly, where her make-up was just a bit too thick, her hair was styled differently or her clothes just looked a little different to normal and there’d been one occasion when he’d arrived home late, after a long evening talking a case over in the pub with Lewis when he thought he could see a couple of drops of blood on his doorstep. That night he’d given great thought to how he could happen to leave a set of his keys in his boss’ possession without ever having a discussion about it but he’d given up when he’s realised it was impossible although he had had some cut and carried them with him in case an opportunity presented itself. 

Right now though, for the first time in the year he’d been aware of this situation James had an in, Innocent had told someone, in her own little way, that she was unhappy at home and he couldn’t let that pass without trying to do something could he, especially when Lewis forced him into a meeting with her.

 

 

“What do you want to speak to me about Hathaway? Inspector Lewis seems keen that we speak.”

James pulled up a seat in front of her desk without asking and sat down, crossing one leg over the other as he took in the look of surprise on her face.

“Lewis wants me to talk to you about doing my inspectors course before he retires. I want to talk to you about what you said to Lewis when he told you he was thinking of going.” James paused and watched as she registered what it was he was referring to “So take your pick.”

He saw her swallow three times and when she rolled her head back across her shoulders, trying to relieve the sudden tension in them, he was sure he saw marks he didn’t like across the underside of her chin.

“The inspector’s course runs regularly, there’s time to get you on one I think and, assuming you pass.” Innocent smile told him how much she knew that was not in doubt, “You’d be ready to apply for Lewis’ job when it comes up.” 

James nodded along as she spoke, pretending to care about what he was being told. “So you’d give me a job here, working for you, catching murderers?”

“Of course I would Hathaway, you’re one of my best officers, I wouldn’t want to lose you as well as losing Inspector Lewis.”

Hathaway moved in his chair, placing both feet on the floor and leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and chin resting on his hands.

“Ok, well that's inspector Lewis happy. Can we talk about the other thing now?”

Innocent shifted uncomfortably behind her desk, pulling her suit jacket down further over her wrists, “I don’t know what you are referring to Hathaway, I wished him well in retirement but told him I didn’t believe he’d really do it. You must agree, surely?”

James nodded his agreement but his face remained serious, “he told me that bit but that’s not what I wanted to talk about.” James paused a second, he knew that pushing things too far was never the right thing to do in this situation but he had to try now she’d said something, even something so seemingly insignificant, to someone else. 

“Please forgive me for this Ma’am, it’s a total overstep I know but what you said about being glad someone was happy to go home, it’s not right Ma’am, I need you to know that this just isn’t right. I’ve never said it before but I am saying in now because I think you’re ready to hear is. What’s happening to you is wrong!”

Innocent didn’t speak but she looked completely shocked at what he’d said and somewhere in James’ brain he was glad about that.

“Look Ma’am,” Innocent shook her head and opened her mouth as if to say something but James just carried on, “These,” he dropped a key ring, with two keys attached, on the desk in front of her as he stood up from his chair, “Are keys to my flat. You are always welcome, you will always be safe, you do NOT need to be bleeding to come. Please come when you’re ready.”

James didn’t wait for an answer he just turned and walked out of the office, making sure he closed the door behind him.

 

 

 

The fourth time was altogether different. There was no blood, no cuts or bruises, no tears or concern there was just his boss, and her bag, on his sofa when he got home.

 

James had had a long day trying desperately to clear his desk of paperwork before the long bank holiday weekend. There hadn’t been a murder for a week so he and Lewis had been getting up to date with paperwork and checking through old files, and those days were always the longest and always ended with the pair of them in the pub for a beer or three especially if the day marked the start of a three day weekend.

To James’ eyes Innocent hadn’t been herself for a couple of days, she was in and out of their office asking almost pointless questions, there was a bounce in her step that Lewis had noticed and commented on, suggesting Mr Innocent had in some way caused the bounce, and all the tension James had seen in her for months seemed to have gone.

He’d watched her closely, just as he always did now, but none of the tell-tale signs of a problem were there and by lunchtime he’d relaxed enough to even enjoy the smile on her face when she came into the office and he’d hoped that for once he would be able to relax for the weekend rather than spending it on edge wondering if she was ok, so arriving home at just after eight o’clock to her sitting on his sofa waiting for him was a surprise.

“Ma’am” James’ exclaimed as he stepping into his living room and saw her waiting for him, “Are you ok?”

Innocent stood up, “I’m not bleeding on your sofa if that’s what you mean? You said I could…” she stopped talking and turned away from him and James quickly moved across the room to her side.

“You’re always welcome here; I meant it when I said anytime,”

Without thinking James slipped his arm around Innocent’s shoulder and pulled her into his side, “You ok Ma’am?”

“James!” the look he got made her feelings about that address clear.

“Sorry,”

“Don’t be sorry James, please; you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Ok, shall I make tea? Have you had dinner?”

“Can we order food? Then we can talk before it arrives? Would that be ok?” It was clear to James that Innocent had something she wanted to talk about so her plan made sense.

“The menus are in the top draw, take your pick, they’re all good with me.” James pointed Innocent towards his takeaway menu stash, “I’ll just get changed if that’s ok?” James paused for a second, not sure what the right thing to do was but in the end he grabbed Innocent’s bag off the sofa, carrying it to his room and took the opportunity to change his sheets.

“I’ve ordered pizza, meat feast, I hope that’s ok, they said it’d be about an hour, they’re busy with the bank holiday apparently.” Innocent was shouting slightly so James could hear her 

“That sound’s great, I’ll only be a minute.”

Good to his word James returned to the living room only a few moments later and, having grabbed the pot of tea from the kitchen, he sat down on the sofa. Gesturing to Innocent that she take the other end he poured two cups of tea, handing one to Innocent, and relaxed back against the sofa waiting for whatever was to come next.

They sat in silence for a while, comfortably but still with an edge of waiting for something, until James decided they needed to do something or the food would arrive and he’d still have no clue what was going on.

“I’m glad you came you know? I’m not going to tell anyone about you being here, what happens now is up to you.”

Innocent thought for a moment and then turned in her seat, lifting her feet off the floor and bringing them up in front of her on the sofa, resting her brew on her knees. “I know you know what’s going on, I’m sorry I’ve lied to you.”

James reached his hand across the sofa, placing it around Innocent’s, where she held her mug, and she looked up at him. “Don’t be sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for, you’ve never lied to me, you’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Lied by omission then if you want to be pedantic but you know what I mean.” Innocent rolled her eyes and smiled and James smiled back. “In my bag I’ve got some things I want you to look after for me, if you don’t mind. I’ve left and I’m not going back but I’m not reporting anything, the stuff in my bag is just in case.”

Innocent looked nervous, as if she thought James would be cross that she wasn’t doing the ‘right thing’ and using the laws that she worked so hard to uphold for everyone else but James didn’t feel anything other than relief. A smile, a real smile, spread across his face “I am so glad you’re here, you’re amazing you know.”

Sitting back against the chair arm and curling in on herself as much as she was able Innocent ducked her head down and stopped looking at James, “I should never have let it get so far, we judge women who go back and yet that’s what I’ve been doing.”

“I,” James slid across the sofa towards her and reached his hand onto her shoulder, “never judge anyone who goes back, life is never simple and we all have our reasons for what we put up with.”

Innocent looked up at him and tears began to fall from her eyes. These weren’t tears of pain due to cut and bruises like he’d seen before, these were tears of sadness for all that had happened and he moved closer, turning slightly and dropping his feet to the floor, so that he could wrap his arms around her pulling her close as she finally allowed the tears to run freely. The position they were in was uncomfortable, and not exactly relaxing, so carefully, and without letting go of her, James moved them around until she was curled up close against his side, held close against his chest where she could hide her face in his shoulder and cry until she was done.

They sat for a long time, James was determined not to do anything to stop the tears until they dried up for themselves, he’d many times hated people trying to ‘make him feel better’ when he was upset as a kid, which generally meant stopping him crying before someone else noticed, so he was sure that there was value to crying until you were ready to stop and he wasn’t taking that away from her.

 

“Where did you put my bag?” Innocent sat up and wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

“It’s in the bedroom, I took it when I went to get changed, I did the sheets for you as well.”

“You really don’t have to let me stay, I’ll go to a hotel, you can’t sleep on the sofa because of my stupidity.”

The smile on James’ face disappeared and he fixed Innocent with one of the looks he usually saved for suspects, “You are not stupid, whatever he’s told you he’s wrong. I told you you could come here any time, that you could stay, that you’d be safe, and you knew I meant it. You are not stupid and I can sleep wherever I want to,” James’ face softened, “it’s my flat, so my rules.”

“Thank you.” It was little more than a whisper and was quickly followed by Innocent getting up off the sofa and leaving the room but James hoped she’d really heard him and he was reassured when she quickly came back with a large folder of papers.

Innocent spent twenty minutes showing James the emails, letters, text messages and photos she’d brought with her, she talked about the threats in the letters and those that had been carried out or that still hung over her, she showed him emails she’d written to her husband in the days after the nights she’d been with James, the apologies for ‘what she’d done to provoke him’ and his gracious acceptances of her apology. There were photos of damage to the house and blood on the floor and of marks on her arms and ‘selfies’ of her face in many states of injury.

James listened to everything and looked through the paperwork, trying to remain calm and detached but knowing that he was failing badly, and Innocent talked more openly than he’d expected. When she’d finished telling him her story he thought it was time to make an admission of his own, best to get rid of all the secrets at once after all. “Can I tell you something?” James obviously looked worried because Innocent’s eyes widened,

“Please don’t be cross at me for overstepping but,” James got up off the sofa and reached his diary from out of his jacket pocket. “I’ve been keeping a bit of a record of my own over the last few months,” he passed her the diary and watched as she started flicking through it, not sure if he was going to be sick, his stomach was cramping so hard.

For a second James saw anger flash across Innocent’s face and he stopped breathing, feeling his stomach tighten even further. “I’m sorry, I…” he stopped talking, not really sure what to say because he wasn’t actually sorry for anything even if she was cross at him.

“Don’t James; I’m not cross at you. How could I be cross at you? I just, I thought I was better at covering than that.” Innocent dropped the diary on the sofa between them and shrank back against the chair arm.

“No one but me has a clue, Lewis hasn’t picked it and if he hasn’t no one else will have a clue will they? Best you’ve got the DI and me.” James flashed his cheeky grin and he was happy to get a totally Innocent response in return. 

“You boys will be the death of me,” but then after a slight pause she finished her sentence in a more Jean way “Or maybe the exact opposite! Anyway, pizza will be here soon, can you store this lot for me in case I need it?” James nodded and set about shuffling all the papers back into the folder, “you won’t do anything with them without my permission though will you?”

James slipped the diary into the folder with the rest of the papers, “I promised you’d be safe here and safe means in control, I won’t take that away from you ever.”

 

They enjoyed their pizza, James found a bottle of wine for them to share and they found some quiz programmes to keep them entertained for a while before they both decided sleep would be a good idea and Innocent went off to bed leaving James to collapse on the sofa hoping he might get at least a little sleep.

 

The long weekend passed quietly, James had been shopping for food but Innocent had stayed at home, reading the paper and some books she found on James’s bookshelves. They’d had one discussion about Innocent’s situation, during which she’d agreed that it would be a good idea to take a few photos of the residual marks on her body just in case. James had been more surprised than he thought he should be to find that there were no ‘new’ marks, bites and cuts. 

There were many bruises and marks that he hadn’t seen before but there were none that he would have seen as recent enough to prompt Innocent’s decision to come to his flat this weekend rather than any other time.

Once Innocent was fully dressed again, and she’d borrowed his thickest hoody to warm her up, James made coffee and sat down at the kitchen table opposite her while she downloaded the new photos to the password protected file he’d created all those weeks ago. 

“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer.”

“Not an interrogation then?” Innocent looked up and smiled, “Go on.”

“No interrogation I promise, I just wondered why you came now? What made this weekend the time? I’m glad you’re here, don’t get me wrong, I just wondered, you know.”

“Honestly?” James nodded; of course he wanted honesty but only if she did too. “I felt like it, I felt like I could do this. For the first time in longer than I can remember I felt like I could leave and that I’d have somewhere to go so I came.”

James listened but was still a bit confused, “I’ve never sent you back though, you could always have stayed, I’d have been here any time, I’m sorry you didn’t know that.”

“Oh James,” Innocent pushed the computer away from between them and reached for his hands, “You have been amazing, I know I could have stayed before but… Look this won’t make sense to you and it’s hard to explain but you’d have felt sorry for me if I’d stayed before.” 

James opened his mouth to speak but Innocent shot him a look and he closed it again,

“You wouldn’t have meant to but you would have been so focused on trying to fix my cuts and bruises and on looking after me and keeping me safe that I would have felt your pity and I couldn’t cope with that on top of everything else. I couldn’t lose your respect as well. I came this weekend because I decided I was ready, you said you had nothing on this weekend when I enquired on Wednesday and Lewis said he was busy with Dr Hobson so I knew your plans were unlikely to change. So I made my decision, made my arrangements and here I am. Does that answer your question?”

James nodded, “Totally, thanks.” Before smiling and adding “I assume you’re making the dinner then, no need for me to look after you is there? Your turn I’d say.”

Innocent grinned, “Ok, but you’re washing up.”

 

 

James’ alarm went off at six thirty am on Tuesday morning and scared Innocent half to death. She’d set her phone alarm as she always did but she, and James, had both forgotten about the clock in his room. The volume of the music from the alarm, and the fact that it was on the chest of drawers at the other side of the bedroom, gave every indication of how hard James found it to get out of bed in a morning and for a second, after she’d stopped the deafening noise, Innocent wondered just how little sleep her favourite detective sergeant was surviving on. The question of why he might not be sleeping jumped into her head and then was smashed out again by the guilty feeling that it might be because he was worrying about her, something she didn’t want to consider too hard right now.

By the time she was dressed and made her way to the living room James had her breakfast on the table, accompanied by a large cup of coffee. He’d already eaten his and he took himself for a shower and to get dressed while she ate hers.

“Where’s your car?” James returned to the living room, suited and booted, and was suddenly aware that he hadn’t seen Innocent’s car near his flat.

“I left it at the station and got a taxi, I didn’t want anyone to see it here.”

“So, how are you getting to work?” James knew his voice sounded strange but then he suddenly felt strange too. “I won’t tell anyone you’re staying here, I promise.”

“I wasn’t hiding from anyone at work James,” Innocent stood up from the table and walked towards him, “I was hiding from my husband; if he was looking for me my car would be a giveaway wouldn’t it?”

James relaxed instantly, feeling slightly stupid for not thinking of that himself, “So you want a lift then?”

“If you don’t mind?”

“I don’t mind at all, we better get going though, I don’t want to be in trouble with the boss.” James flashed a grin at Innocent and she smiled back just as warmly. 

“I’ve heard she’s a dragon when she wants to be so you’re probably right to rush.”

James took a step towards the door and then hesitated for a second, “I’ll give you a lift home after as well, ok?”

Innocent knew that James’ use of ‘home’ was intentional and that it didn’t mean home to her husband and she reached to place her hand on his arm, causing him to turn and look at her, “A lift home would be lovely, I’ll grab some shopping at lunch and make dinner.”

James placed his hand over Innocent’s and smiled, “Sounds good to me, I’ll do tomorrow.”

 

 

By Thursday it was clear to James that Lewis had spotted something was different with him, he himself was aware that he was less stressed, more responsive and was able to concentrate much more fully than he had for a while and when Lewis started asking questions about his new found smiles he’d not really known how to answer. 

It was clear that his boss thought there was a new partner on the scene or at least a thought of a new partner and when he said no to drinks after work and got a knowing look from Lewis he knew that he had to come up with a plan for what to tell him.

Innocent had been working hard in her office all week, dealing with writing reports and collating data for some conference, so she told him over dinner each night, and they’d both arrived at work before Lewis and left after him so James was certain that he couldn’t know what was actually going on but Lewis was the one person in his life that he’d truly regretted lying to when he had and he didn’t want to fall into that situation again.

 

“Ma’am.” James knocked on Innocent’s open office door hoping he might be able to catch a word with her. “Do you have a second?”

Innocent looked up from her desk and smiled and gestured to him to enter, “Come in sergeant, what can I do for you?”

James stepped through the door, closing it behind him, and glanced towards the chair, silently asking for permission to take it and getting a nod in answer. James sat down, leaning back in the chair and picking at his thumb nail.

“I need some advice Ma’am”

“Oh, Ok. What about?”

“It’s about DI Lewis Ma’am, I did something I regret a few years ago and I might be about to do it again and I don’t want to but I need your help not to but I don’t know if it’s ok to ask.”

Innocent put down her pen, closing the file in front of her and got up, walking around the desk and sitting down in the chair next to James. “Take a breath James and explain and I’ll do whatever I can.”

“Years ago I lied to him about stuff from my past, once he knows about and I think he’s forgiven, another I think he might know but I’ve never said. I’ve lied to lots of people about stuff,” James looked up at Innocent, trying to work out if she knew what kind of ‘stuff’ he was talking about and was met by a concerned yet understanding look, “I’ve never really felt guilty about it before because I’ve never cared what the person thought, I really don’t like lying to him.”

“So what do you think you’re going to have to lie to him about now?” Innocent was fairly sure that she knew the answer to the question but years of training had taught her never to assume anything.

“He’s noticed how much more relaxed I am, how much less tired and jumpy, and apparently my ‘brain’s back on line’ after having a bit of a break.” James grinned at Innocent and raised his eyebrows, “and he asked me to the pub yesterday after work, Dr Hobson was busy, he looked shocked when I said no but didn’t argue. I think he thinks I’ve got a ‘partner.’” James added air quotes and rolled his eyes at the word and Innocent laughed.

“He’s happy, he wants you to be as well, he cares, it’s nice!”

“It’s not! Not when he’s like this, watching me all the time and I don’t have a clue what to tell him!”

“So that’s the issue? You want to tell him what’s going on?”

“No!” James looked up quickly and fixed on Innocent’s eyes. “I don’t want to tell him. It’s not my place, I just don’t want to lie to him, again, about stuff he’s noticed about me. He cares, he deserves better than that.”

“You two are ridiculous, you know that right?” Innocent laughed and James shrugged 

“Totally, I know, but that’s just how we are.”

“I wouldn’t have you any other way, best team I’ve got but only when you’re not fighting!” Innocent stood up and walked to the window. “You know James, I don’t mind if you tell him, if you want to, or I’ll find a hotel and solve the problem?”

James got up, joined Innocent at the window and took a minute before he answered. The answer was far more James than it was DS Hathaway, “Are you mad! You’re not going anywhere until you want to and how would that solve my problem with Lewis? I’d go back to not sleeping, not eating, drinking too much and being no use to him and he’d think I’d broken up with my new ‘partner’ and worry about me so much he’d have me in the pub every night rather than be home with Laura.”

Innocent laughed, “I get your point James but I can’t stay forever can I? You can’t sleep on the sofa for the rest of time!”

“I can if I want to, my flat my rules don’t forget. Or I can buy a sofa bed at the weekend.”

“You can’t do that, not for me, shame you’re not a woman really.”

James huffed a breath in shock and looked quizzically at Innocent who laughed, “If you were a woman, BFF I think they’re called, then we’d just share the bed and think nothing of it.”

“Well, that would be better for my back I guess, I’m not sure it’d help much with my Lewis problem though.”

“No probably not.” Innocent turned around and leant back against the windowsill, “You told me omission wasn’t really a lie so could you not tell DI Lewis some of the truth just not all of it?” James nodded thoughtfully “You could tell him that you have a friend staying and he’s right that company is good for you and leave it at that? He thinks he’s helped and you’re ok with him being busy with Dr Hobson and you know it’s true but you haven’t said anything you feel you shouldn’t. Would that work?”

“He’ll know I’m not telling him everything, but probably won’t ask, he’ll just be happy I’m happy.” James considered it a little more before standing up tall, straightening his suit, “Thanks Ma’am, helpful as always.”

“No problem Hathaway.”

James smiled and Innocent smiled back before he turned and left the room feeling far more relaxed than when he’d entered.

 

At six o’clock Lewis packed up his desk and asked James if he fancied a pint, James thought for a moment and fished his mobile out of his pocket, “Give me a second.” Lewis watched as James selected a number and put the phone to his ear.

Innocent answered her phone quickly, knowing who was calling,

“Are you finished for the day or do I have time for a pint with my boss before I pick you up?”

James was quiet as he listened to the reply before responding, “I’ll pick you up about seven thirty then?” Another pause followed before James said ‘see you soon’ and put the phone down.

Lewis was looking at him, obviously interested to know who he was calling. He didn’t ask but James told him anyway. “I’ve got a friend staying for a bit; they’re finishing work at seven thirty so I’m yours until then.”

Lewis smiled at James and clapped his hand on his shoulder, communicating all kinds of things that words never would, and said “come on then, time for a couple.” And they made their way to The Turl.

 

 

James had had three pints with Lewis, and they’d had a good time catching up without Lewis asking any questions that James didn’t want to answer, and when he returned to the station to pick Innocent up they both decided that it would be safer for Innocent to drive even though they were taking James’ car. Innocent’s car was still living in the station car park not that that could continue much longer without someone noticing and asking questions.

“I’ll do dinner; you go for a shower and sober up.” Innocent nudged James down the hall as they arrived home and when he reappeared he was much less wobbly. 

“Can I help?”

“You can set the table? I’ve done everything I think. It’s only fish and rice, nothing special.”

“It’s not out of a container or a microwave and I haven’t had to make it myself so it’s special enough for me.” James grinned, something he did far more often than Innocent would ever have believed he could, and she smiled back. 

“Whatever you say James, just set the table, it’s nearly ready.”

“Yes Ma’am”, James added a nod and it became clear that less wobbly didn’t equate to less drunk and Innocent couldn’t help but laugh, she’d never seen James like this before.

 

 

“Why is it, in these days of gender and sexual fluidity, that it would be perfectly fine for people to share a bed if they were both women but not if they’re both men or one of each?”

Innocent nearly choked on her fish when James spoke after almost five minutes of silent eating. James looked up as she coughed, looking slightly concerned, but she waved a hand in a ‘don’t worry I’ll breathe in a minute’ kind of a way and he went back to his dinner not actually expecting a response.

“That’s an interesting question James to which I’m not sure I know the answer, do you?”

“No, no idea,”

“So why’re you asking?” 

“I don’t know, I was just thinking about what you said earlier and about where to go on Saturday for a sofa bed and the question left my mouth rather than staying in my head because I had a bit too much to drink earlier.” 

Innocent smiled at the admission and at the shocked and almost uncomfortable look on James’ face, “I guess it’s down to sex and what people think about sex. Everything always comes down to sex somewhere along the way doesn’t it?”

James laughed, “Pretty much yeah.” 

They went back to eating their dinner in silence both lost in their own thoughts.

 

 

Ikea turned out to be the answer to where to go on Saturday morning for a sofa bed. There was a bit of a drive to the store, which meant that they were less likely to bump into anyone who might wonder why the DS and his boss were together buying a sofa bed, but it meant they could take it home that day and have it built and ready for sleep by bedtime which James could really do with after a week of sleeping on a sofa that was about six inches too short for his frame.

They left early in the morning; to miss as much of the crowds as possible, and James wanted to get around the shop as quickly as possible. He didn’t care what kind or what colour of sofa bed he ended up with as long as it was the right length and the mattress was comfortable but Innocent felt that he should get something that matched the rest of his furniture. 

One of the things that had struck Innocent most about James’ flat was that it was so very much like him. Everything matched and ‘fit’ in just the way his suits did at work and it was all as tidy and organised as his desk and there was no way that he was messing that up on her account. From James’ side he knew that his flat said everything about him, it was controlled, empty, blank and tidy beyond tidy as he had nothing to do, outside work, so spent his nights moving things around to a tidier place.

A Bright green sofa bed was James’ choice, “It’ll bring colour to the magnolia won’t it?” Innocent didn’t look too sure and she checked the label to see if it came in another colour.

“It comes in tan and white James, it’ll be as comfortable whatever colour the covers are and that would be less …” Innocent considered what the word was to finish the sentence but she couldn’t find quite the right one so settled for “different”

“No.” James sat down on the bed and then lay back stretching his full length, enjoying the fact that his feet didn’t hang over the end and gestured to Innocent to join him as he grinned, “Different is good.”

Innocent shook her head, rolled her eyes at him and stepped back from the sofa, “If you insist, but don’t complain later when your eyes hurt and your flat looks odd.”

“Not odd Ma’am, different!”

Innocent laughed and took a picture of the label, so they had the information they needed to collect all the bits from the warehouse on the way out, and James got up off the bed, having another go at folding the bed back into a sofa, before they made a quick dash through the warehouse and checkouts and headed back to the flat.

 

 

“You bloody thing!” James threw the instructions across the room, dropped a sofa foot onto the floor with a bang and stood up scratching his head. A second later he heard the front door bang and turned around to find Innocent had disappeared. 

They’d set off working together, laughing and talking as they opened boxes and bags and spilt bits and pieces all over the floor but the mood had slipped when they couldn’t find the right bits and the screws didn’t quite go in right. James hadn’t really noticed as Innocent had stepped back from the job, watching instead of helping, as he got more and more frustrated with his inability to follow the instructions but the banging door brought him right back to himself.

James rushed to the door; pulling on his trainers that lived in the hall, and pulled it open to look up and down the road but he couldn’t see Innocent anywhere. 

James walked back inside, closing the door, leaning on it and banging his head back against it. “James, you are a bloody idiot!” He stood there, chewing on his thumb and feeling like a git, for a few minutes, trying to think about what to do. He hoped, really hoped that the door would go any second and Innocent would be home but as each minute passed he felt that it was less and less likely. 

After twenty minutes waiting James decided to try and call Innocent but when he dialled her number and heard ringing in the kitchen he threw his phone violently onto the chair and then scratched his fingers through his hair, almost pulling it out at the roots and hating himself for being angry and for not having more control of himself.

There was only one place James could think of that Innocent might have gone, however much he hoped that he was wrong, so he grabbed his keys, jacket and warrant card and headed for the station. 

Innocent’s car was still in the car park when he pulled in, so she hadn’t taken off in that, and when he made his way upstairs to the office, finding the outer door to her office open but the inner door shut, a sense of relief hit followed by a sense of disgust with himself that he’d behaved in such a way that she’d needed to take refuge here. 

He knocked gently but having received no response he knocked harder, counted to ten and then pushed the door open finding Innocent sat at her desk, staring out of the window. He stepped through the door closing it behind him and when Innocent didn’t move from her staring he spoke, quietly. “I’m really sorry Ma’am”

Innocent turned her head to look at him and almost smiled, “Ma’am James? Really?”

“Habit! Sorry.” James shrugged his shoulders apologetically and walked further into the room, taking a seat in front of Innocent’s desk. “Sorry for before, I didn’t mean to make you …” James didn’t really know how to finish the sentence, the word ‘scared’, which would have been his first choice, sounded a little too much like an accusation but nothing else seemed to fit so he just let the sentence end.

“It wasn’t you James, well not really. I think they’re called flashbacks aren’t they?”

James sighed and rubbed his hand over his face, “That’s what I’m told they’re called, yeah. Bloody awful things!”

Innocent eyed James curiously, and he internally squirmed under the gaze, but she didn’t ask and he had no intention of having that conversation right now, right now he was here to apologise and to get her home.

“I really didn’t mean to get so stressed at that bloody sofa, I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything James, nothing more than any other person who frequents Ikea anyway,” Innocent winked and James smiled back at her. “It really wasn’t you, in my head you stopped being you ages before I left the flat and your flat stopped being your flat. It really was nothing to do with you. I just had to get out of there and find somewhere safe and …”

“And?” James questioned.

Innocent sat forward, putting her elbows on the desk and rubbing her eyes before resting her chin on her hands and looking James straight in the eye, “and I knew you’d know where I was and come and find me and then you’d be you again.”

James took a breath, his whole body relaxing and suddenly he found himself standing up, walking around the desk, crouching down next to Innocent and wrapping his arms around her to give her a hug. Turning slightly, Innocent put her arms around him too and they sat for a minute, neither saying anything until James stood up “Shall we go home?” Innocent nodded and they made their way quickly out of the building and back to his car. “I think I’ll just sleep on the mattress in the floor tonight and give the thing another go in the morning.”

“It’s a good job we didn’t get rid of the other one yet then isn’t it? Where would we eat out takeaway?”

“Too true, too true. Chinese or Thai?”

 

 

They picked the Chinese up on the way home and then enjoyed an evening of reading, curled up on either end of the sofa, while quiet music played and neither of them had to think about making conversation. At midnight, when they were both yawning from their early start, James set about trying to arrange a space on the floor for the mattress from the sofa bed, moving the rest of the boxes and trying to move the arm chair out of the way, and Innocent watched and tried not to laugh.

“You could help me you know?” James smiled up at her as he leant down to move another box.

Innocent laughed, “I could or” there was an infinitesimal pause that anyone less perceptive than James would probably have missed “you could stop trying and sleep in your room instead.”

James’ expression changed, the smile drifted away and he looked quizzically instead, “really? Would that be ok?”

“If it’s ok with you it’s ok with me. You have a huge bed, I’m sure we can share without even noticing.”

“Then why not? I’ll sort this lot out for tomorrow.”

James smiled and Innocent shrugged and then they both made their way to bed, enjoying a very big bed, the comfort of someone else’s breathing and a very good night’s sleep.

 

 

 

Two months later Innocent’s divorce was well underway. Mr Innocent had offered no defence to her divorcing him on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour but only because she’d only mentioned his lack of interest in her, his lack of support with her career and the fact that he often stayed away for days at a time. An agreed divorce and friendly mediation in regard to financial settlement were worth more than the truth, Innocent told him when he suggested she at least show her legal team the contents of the folder in his dresser but James wasn’t sure, it all seemed a little too easy on Mr Innocent who also seemed to have had a bit of a personality transplant in regards to his reasonableness. 

Innocent had been worried about her first mediation appointment with her husband and James had done all he could to support her. The sofa bed, that bloody sofa bed, had never been built, they’d taken it straight to the tip the morning after buying it when they’d both slept the sleep of the dead in James’ bed, over eight hours each, and neither felt any need to go back to (not) sleeping separately. Sharing a bed meant James was well aware of the nights Innocent had nightmares, as she was with him, and the ones where she tossed and turned or shouted in her sleep, so he knew exactly how concerned she was in the days running up to the mediation meeting. James woke the morning of the meeting with a warm weight against his side and he lifted his arm, wrapping it under Innocent’s head and pulling her into his chest, stroking his hand gently up and down her arm.

Innocent snuggled even closer, relaxing against him and placing her arm across his waist. Neither of them said anything, there was nothing really to say, they just lay there until the alarm went off at which point Innocent rolled away and got out of bed to shower and change. James made breakfast and some large mugs of coffee and then wished her well not knowing what to expect when he got back from work.

 

 

Letting himself back into the flat at six o’clock James’ stomach rumbled as he smelt cooking coming from the kitchen, “What’s cooking? Smells lovely,”

“It’s only spaghetti; it’ll be ten minutes if you want to change?”

“Okydoke,”

James went straight to the bathroom to shower and change and then back to the kitchen, grabbing knives, forks and spoons from the drawer and setting the table. Innocent was smiling as she cooked and she only looked away from the pot to wave in the direction of a stack of papers on the end of the counter. “All sorted James, time to celebrate.”

Picking the pile up curiously James began to read what appeared to be a court order.

“It’s only a draft, but we agreed it so hopefully the judge will sign it off at the hearing and I’ll be free at last.”

“That easy, aye?” James suddenly lost his appetite, it all seemed far too simple and he didn’t like that.

“Not easy, he’s buying me out of the house, getting a quarter of my pension and keeps his car but he agreed, I’ll soon be free and that’s all that matters to me.” Innocent turned and grinned at him and, putting all his concerns aside the best he could, James dropped the papers back on the counter and stepped toward her to give her a hug, almost lifting her off the floor.

“If you’re happy that’ll do me.”

“Thanks James, thanks for everything, I guess I’ll be out of your hair soon, once this is settled.” 

James’ stomach fell at the thought but he was sure it didn’t show on his face as he tried to smile at Innocent’s happiness and then turned away to grab glasses for the table. “So when’s the hearing?” 

“The Wednesday before your course, it’ll be a big couple of weeks for both of us. Exciting isn’t it?”

“That’s one word for it! Terrifying would be another.”

Innocent laughed as she plated up the spaghetti and then put the plates down on the table before taking her seat across from James. They ate in silence for a minute or two before Innocent looked up at James, “Are you nervous? About your course I mean.”

“Erm” James didn’t really know the answer to that, part of him was looking forward to the course, learning was always high on his list of fun things to do and, given DI Lewis was leaving and he now, thanks to Innocent, had a reason to stay on with the force, becoming an inspector would allow him to escape the disaster that was sure to ensue if he had to work as another DI’s bagman but the other part of him hated that the course was out of area and he’d have to be away from home for four nights.

“I’m glad you found me a course to go on before Lewis left and I’m looking forward to it but,” James paused not sure if she should say what he wanted to but in the end he decided honesty had always been their policy and he wasn’t going to change that. “I’m worried about being away, I like to know you’re ok, I’m less good on my own now.”

Innocent looked at James, scanning his face with her eyes and obviously thinking hard, “call me in a morning, text me when you want, I’ll call you when I’m home safe at night and even text you night night if you want.”

James blushed, swallowed hard, sunk his head down into his shoulders and ducked his head to the table, feeling embarrassed and stupid and pretended he was eating his dinner.

“James?” Innocent spoke nervously, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ... erm ... are you ok?”

James nodded but didn’t lift his eyes from his plate.

“Really? Talk to me James, what did I say?”

“Nothing, I’m fine. This dinner’s lovely, thank you.”

Innocent watched as James ate his dinner without taking his eyes off it and without saying another word as she tried to work out what had gone wrong. When he’d finished his food and put down his fork she quickly reached for his now empty hand and grasped it tightly until he looked up at her, “I’m worried too James, it’ll be strange not having you here, being on my own, bringing my own car home, sleeping on my own, I thought calling when I got back home would be good for both of us, I wasn’t trying to upset you.”

James felt himself move from embarrassed and upset to happy and comfortable as Innocent spoke and he realised he’d be missed just as much as he’d miss her and that she hadn’t actually been taking the piss in regard to contacting him while he was away. “I’m not used to missing people, or the idea that people might miss me, sorry for being stupid.”

“You’re not being stupid, I’m not unobservant enough not to know that people have not always been a positive thing for you James, especially people getting close to you and caring about you, and worse, the ones you’ve cared about. I really wasn’t taking the piss, I really will miss you, you’ve been so good to me especially because you’ve let me in where you don’t let people go.”

James smiled slightly but said nothing, what was he supposed to say to someone who seemed to have him more worked out that he had himself? Innocent got up from her seat and walked round the table, pulling James out of his seat and wrapping her arms around him. “You will be great on your course; you’ll have a good time, learn lots and come back to catching the killers of Oxford. I’ll be glad to have a new DI on my team but I’ll be more glad just to have you home, ok?”

James relaxed into Innocent’s embrace and leaned his head down to her shoulder allowing her to hold him close and just enjoying the fact she cared about him.

 

 

 

 

 

Packing his bag with all the things Innocent told him he’d need and trying to look forward to his course James was smiling as he watched Innocent make breakfast while talking about the houses she’d been to see the day before. The financial order had been approved by the judge on Wednesday and the decree absolute was due in two weeks and all Innocent seemed to be interested in was moving on and enjoying her new found freedom. 

Thinking about his course James knew that three days away would be good for him, a few weeks from now, once the decree absolute was issued and the paperwork done, he’d very soon be back to living on his own, if her obvious enthusiasm for looking for a new house was anything to go by, so some practice would be good.

“I’ll make dinner for eight on Thursday if that works for you? Something special to celebrate you passing your course before your interview on Friday.”

“You seem very confident I’ll pass what if I don’t? You’ll need someone else to replace my DI at the end of the month”

Innocent shook her head and rolled her eyes, “never in doubt Sergeant!”

“If you say so Ma’am.”

James grinned, one of those grins Innocent had become used to over the last few months and she grinned back at him, “Good luck, and enjoy ok?”

“Will do,” James stepped across the kitchen, stealing a piece of toast from innocent’s plate and kissed her gently on the cheek, “see you Thursday.” 

 

 

 

Course complete, exam passed and the weirdest job interview he had ever experienced, made all the weirder for the fact that he was apparently the only candidate and Innocent had forgotten that she was his boss not his flatmate despite being in her office, and James ended the week with a new job and an order to HR for his very first Detective Inspector Hathaway badge.

There was to be a two week crossover period. DI Lewis would lose his sergeant from Monday and DI Hathaway would lose the man who had once been the only person he cared about, his only friend for many years, two Fridays later. 

James had never been good with change and this all felt a bit overwhelming especially when it was coupled with worry about Innocent moving out and on with her life but he was excited to be his own boss, and even excited to meet his new sergeant although he did wonder who Innocent would match him with, she could be cruel or kind and some days he wasn’t sure which he liked most.

Innocent had been good to her word and had his dinner on the table when he’d got home from his course on Thursday so he thought it only fair to return the favour when he got to finish work earlier than her on Friday after his interview. James liked cooking, he’d had to do it from being very young and although he hated it then, as he’d grown up, and been able to buy what he wanted to cook rather than trying to make interesting food from the very same ingredients day after day, he’d grown to like the methodical precision of it and the chance to escape his thoughts. One thing was for certain though, James loved cooking for Innocent, she was always so happy when they shared a meal together, chatting and laughing, and he loved eating in happy company more than he’d ever have thought he could, he really was going to miss it.

 

 

 

“Can I ask you a favour James?” Innocent sounded rather nervous as he joined her at the kitchen table, placing her dinner in front of her.

“Of course you can, I’ll do what I can.”

“It’s a biggy, especially as work’s going to get a bit more pressured for you while you find your feet.”

“Like I said, I’ll do what I can.”

“Well,” Innocent looked down at her plate and then lifted her eyes to James’ “could I stay… here…?”

“You mean instead of buying your own place?” James ducked his head down slightly trying to get a better look at Innocent’s face “is that what you mean?”

A less observant man would have missed the slight nod of her head but they both knew James wouldn’t. Without a seconds thought James sat himself up straight with a big smile on his face, “Of course you can, I’d love you to.”

“Really?” Innocent still looked unsure.

“Really, I love having you here, we might need to rearrange some things after you’ve picked your stuff up from the house next week but we’ll make it work. Yeah. If you really want to!”

“I’ve not got much stuff, he says I can collect it on Wednesday, I’ve taken the day off, and then Friday the absolute is read and I’m out, free as a bird and I’d love to stay here if you’re not sick of me.”

James leaned across the table and grasped Innocent’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “I’ll never be sick of you. I really love having you around; I do need to clear bookshelves for you though.”

“Bookshelf space would be good; I think I’ve already taken all the other space I need.” 

Half the wardrobe was now Innocent’s clothes as were two of the drawers, her makeup sat on the right of the dressing table, next to his aftershave and the top shelf of the bathroom cabinet held all her toiletries and toothbrush. None of it had been discussed or planned but slowly and surely over the last few months they’d simply fitted together, sharing the space like they’d both always been there and enjoying the feeling of someone to come home to, someone to chat with over dinner and someone to put there arm around them and rub small circles between their shoulder blades and whisper quietly in their ears as they calmed from whatever flashback or nightmare they’d just escaped from.

“I’ll sort through things this weekend so it’s all ready for Wednesday.” James knew he sounded eager but he didn’t care, he was eager to have Innocent stay and he wanted her to know it, “I think my boss could be persuaded to give me the day off on Wednesday if you want any help?”

James smirked and Innocent laughed, “I’m sure she could be persuaded but I’m sure I’ll be alright on my own. Pulling on my big girl pants and getting my life back on my own is important to me...” Innocent’s words stopped and she looked down at the table, taking a breath and then lifted her eyes back to James’ “especially because we’ve decided I don’t actually have to be on my own to have my freedom. If I’m staying then, just as when I first came to stay, I need to do it myself.”

“Makes sense to me,” James reached across the table and squeezed Innocent’s hand. “You can make the dinner too; you’ll be back before me won’t you.”

Innocent huffed out a laugh and smiled, “Yep, I will. You’ll be washing up though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT PLEASE READ
> 
> So this is my story, I wrote it and I wrote it the way I wanted to but when it was finished I knew it wasn't how other people would have wanted it to go so I went part way back and had another go. I was going to post the new version of the story and allow my original ending to lie on my hard drive but after advice from a friend I decided to do this instead.
> 
> SO
> 
> Chapter 2 is the new ending, I hope you like it, please read it and enjoy.
> 
> Chapter 3 is how my story originally ended, read it at your own risk because I've NOT tagged for its content.
> 
>  


	2. Chapter 2

On Wednesday morning James woke with a warm body against his side, a head on his chest and an arm around his waist and he smiled to himself and then ducked his chin to kiss the top of the head nuzzled under his chin.

“Morning,”

Innocent snuggled closer and he felt her smile against his chest “Morning.”

“You sleep ok?”

“er…um…”

“er…um…what?” James smiled and hugged Innocent even closer.

Innocent lifted her head and looked up at him, “Er um I slept ok once I was cuddled up with you, I lay awake for ages before that.”

James tightened his arm around her just slightly, “Well, I’m glad to be of help, but don’t waste time lying awake next time ok.” James smiled and Innocent returned it before she lay her head back down on his chest and breathed deeply. 

“Time to get on with the day I think, I don’t want you taking advantage of my absence and being late for work.”

“As if I’d dare try that? First week in my new job I want to make a good impression don’t I?”

Innocent pushed herself up on her elbow and smiled at James, “I’ll make you some breakfast while you shower? A thanks for the help with sleep.”

James reached out his hand to push a lock of hair that had fallen over Innocent’s face back behind her ear. “No thanks necessary, it’s nice sleeping with you. The world is better with cuddles so the sickly card makers tell us anyway.” James winked, “I’ll take the breakfast though.”

 

Having eaten his poached eggs on toast and drunk a large mug of coffee and a glass of orange juice James shrugged on his suit jacket, checking he had his warrant card in his pocket. “Good luck with everything, if you need anything call and please let me know when you’re home safe” James’ face flushed slightly as if he was embarrassed but when Innocent grinned at him it quickly faded.

“I’ll text you as soon as I’m home, I promise, I know you’re worried”

James was worried, very worried, Mr Innocent was being so reasonable; he’d made the divorce process so easy. The financial agreement, although not totally one sided was not as generous as Mr Innocent could probably have expected given the long marriage and the significantly different income levels. The agreement for Innocent to collect her stuff had been made with ease, including his agreement to be out for the day, and the every step of the way Innocent’s legal representation had been amazed at the compliance of her, almost, ex-husband and had congratulated themselves on doing things the best way for their client and why wouldn’t they when they had absolutely no idea of the beatings, threat and abuse their client had received from this ‘very reasonable’ man over the last five years that James had the evidence of in his bedroom and probably many years more than that.

“Sorry, I know it’s not my place to worry”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s nice to have someone who cares about me.” It was Innocent’s turn to look embarrassed but James quickly crossed the room towards her and wrapped her in his arms, hugging her tight and placing a soft kiss on the top of her head,

“I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you then.”

 

 

James checked his phone every ten minutes through the day and, as he was sat in the office he was still sharing with DI Lewis and neither of them had an active case, his constant checking didn’t go unnoticed.

“You ok James?”

James looked at Lewis and nodded, “Fine Robbie, yeah.”

Lewis smiled, “Eager for your first case?”

“No,” James tried to resist looking at his phone again, “Just waiting for a friend to let me know they’re ok.”

“Oh, I see.” Lewis thought for a moment and James wasn’t quite sure what he was thinking, “The same friend you had staying before?”

Without a second’s thought James nodded and smiled, “Yeah, same friend.”

“You worried about them?”

“Yeah, she’s moving out of her old house today before the divorce is final on Friday, it’s…” James stopped talking, already feeling like he’d said too much.

The cogs were obviously turning in Robbie’s brain as he smiled and turned his chair from his desk to face James, “Is she coming to stay with you? Or… still staying with you?” 

James looked down at his desk. “It’s not what you think; I haven’t stolen someone’s wife or anything.”

“That’s a yes then? You’re waiting for her to let you know she’s home safe?”

James nodded slightly but didn’t look up.

“Caring’s nothing to be embarrassed about you know, it’s been nice seeing you look so happy over the last few months, I was worried about you before that, you’d not been right for a long time.” Lewis stood up and walked around his desk and James’ and sat on the edge next to James, resting his hand on his shoulder. “You were worried about your friend before she came to stay weren’t you?”

James nodded

“Is she at risk while moving out of where she was before?”

James didn’t move, letting his none answer be the answer and he waited knowing for almost certain that this was the moment Lewis was going to join all the dots and solve the puzzle of the last year of James’ life.

Time seemed to stand still as James waited, almost able to hear the cogs turning in Lewis’ brain before he spoke, “Let’s go help her, it’s lunchtime, we can lift boxes or something.”

James stood up instantly, grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair, and made straight for the door, Lewis following in his wake. 

“I’ll drive” Lewis spoke as they reached the car park, “You’re a bit distracted,”

James nodded and climbed into the passenger seat, slipping on his belt as Lewis did the same in the driver’s seat and then pulled the car out of the car park.

It was only when they pulled up outside Innocent’s house that James realised that he’d never actually told Lewis where they needed to go. “She’s been hiding this for years Sir, she might be angry I told you, and she said she didn’t want my help.”

“You didn’t tell me anything James, and you can keep the Sir, I’m not your boss anymore.” Lewis smiled and James tried to smile back before he was distracted by movement in Innocents living room window, 

“It appears that Mr Innocent’s home Robbie, he wasn’t supposed to be here.”

“Right then, come on, let’s go knock on the door.”

 

 

James was out of the car in a second, feeling his heart racing and his stomach churning and when Lewis joined him on the pavement, and rested the palm of his hand warm and comforting on James’ lower back, they both stepped purposefully towards the door, knocking hard and waiting impatiently for an answer.

Mr innocent answered the door and his eyes shot wide at the two men as they flashed warrant cards at him and stepped forward through the door, forcing him to back away.

“Jean.”

“Ma’am” 

James and Lewis spoke at the same time and a confused looking Innocent appeared at the top of the stairs, “What are you two doing here?”

“It’s lunchtime Ma’am,” Lewis spoke first, “We thought we could carry boxes for you.”

James didn’t speak but he bounded up the stairs taking them two at a time and then backed Innocent into her room away from the others, “I didn’t tell him I promise, he worked it out, I couldn’t concentrate.”

Innocent cut James off when she wrapped her arms around him in a big hug and leant into his chest, “It’s fine, I’m glad you’re here, Robbie too.”

James wrapped his arms around Innocent’s back and held her closer, “He wasn’t supposed to be here was he?” Innocent shook her head against his chest, “You are the bravest woman I know,” James dipped his chin to kiss the top of Innocent’s head. “Let me take you home, we have Robbie’s car as well so hopefully one trip will do it.”

Innocent stepped away and smiled and then walked back to the top of the stairs, “Robbie, can you help James with these boxes?”

Robbie offered one last glare at Mr Innocent and then turned to look at Innocent and smiled “Yes Ma’am, anything you want.”

James and Lewis walked up and down stairs carrying boxes, suitcases, bags and cushions and putting them in Lewis’ car while Innocent finished sorting things downstairs. Once she was done and all her books, papers, CDs and kitchen equipment were boxed up (James loved that she was bringing EVERYTHING even though they didn’t need much now she was staying at his, a sign of her asserting her rights over her possessions which he was almost sure she wouldn’t have done if he and Lewis weren’t there) he and Lewis loaded up her car with every last thing she wanted to take, including an odd looking tree in a pot from the back garden and the curtains from the living room, and they drove away, Lewis taking his car and Innocent and James in her’s, and she didn’t even look back she simply smiled and winked “Home James” and James grinned back.

 

 

“Where should I put these?” Lewis had a bag of clothes in one hand and a suitcase in the other as he walked in to James’ hall, 

“Will you stick them in the bedroom Robbie?” Innocent was following him in with a pile of books.

“Yeah, anywhere specific?”

James walked out of the bedroom, having put a large jewellery box on the dresser, “Stick them on our bed, it’ll be easier if we keep the floor clear.”

It was only when he got back to the car to grab another box that James realised what he’d said and he screwed up his face and ran his hand through his hair, pulling at it slightly before he was shaken from his thoughts “Shall I stick these on your bed as well?”

Robbie had another case in his hand and a pillow under his arm and was obviously talking to James, “Yeah Robbie, that’d be good.” James took a breath before he continued, “All the clothes and bedroom stuff want to go in the bedroom, books and stuff in the living room. I’ll help unload your car then you can get back to work, I’ll grab a taxi when I’m done. James moved towards Lewis’ car boot. “You don’t have to stay any longer, I know this is”

Lewis cut him off, “I’ll help empty the cars and then I’ll drive you back to work like I said I would. Given that we’re helping the boss I’m sure we’ll get away with a longer lunch for once, it’s not like we normally take one is it?” Lewis smiled and James laughed despite his uncomfortable feelings. “Ok then.”

 

Once everything was in the house Innocent made James and Lewis a cup of coffee and a sandwich to thank them for their help and they sat at the kitchen table in silence until she finally spoke. “Thank you for your help Robbie. I’m sorry I said I wanted to go on my own James.” She reached her hand across the table to where James’ was resting and squeezed it making him look up. “All done now, home safe and sound and he’s not going to mess with me now he knows my best officers are aware of the truth is he?” Innocent smiled and James grinned back. 

“Home safe, I like that. You’ve some tidying up to do before you make my dinner though!”

Innocent rolled her eyes and looked away from James and towards Robbie, “Would you and Laura fancy joining us? We could make it a joint celebration, my freedom and your retirement?”

“And his new job?” Robbie nodded towards James and smiled at him. “That would be lovely Ma’am, if you don’t mind,”

James looked up in surprise, he was convinced Lewis would want to be as far away from him as he could as quickly as possible not be coming around for dinner. “Do you not need to check with Laura?”

“Aye, aye I’ll check when we get back to the office and let you know if there’s a problem Ma’am.”

“That’s fine by me; you two should be off anyway so I can get sorted.”

James and Lewis stood up, Lewis putting on his jacket and saying goodbye while James grabbed his jacket from the living room before heading back to the kitchen, 

“Don’t worry about putting stuff away; I’ll help when I get home if you want, Ok?” 

“Thanks for everything James, especially letting Robbie know what’s going on.” 

James blushed, “I think he has a clear idea of what he thinks is going on here, I’m not sure it’s accurate though.”

“Try not to worry love, ok?” James nodded and tried to smile as he headed for the door, “See you tonight.”

 

 

“Thanks for the help Robbie,” James finally broke the uncomfortable silence in the car as they drove back to the station.

“No problem, I’m happy to help and if I can help two of my friends at once then all the better.”

“It’s not what it looks like you know; I’m not shagging my way to the top or anything.”

“You’re helping a friend find their way James, you’re good at that, I should know!”

James tipped his head up to look at Robbie’s profile but didn’t speak.

“You watched over me when I came back to Oxford, always knowing when I needed stopping or when I needed a nudge, keeping me company and always doing the right thing even when I didn’t think it was the right thing at the time. Just promise me one thing though,” Lewis pulled up at a red light and looked at James, “Make sure you do the right thing for you as well, you deserve to be happy not just to be responsible for making sure other people are happy.”

James was silent for a while but as he saw the station coming into view he finally spoke, “I am happy, really happy. I’m sleeping properly for the first time ever and when I don’t I’m not dealing with it on my own, I’m enjoying cooking and eating, I’m liking work, I’m smoking less and I have someone to talk to or to sit in the same room as and enjoy the silence. I feel useful but not responsible, Jean really wants to stay, even now she has all her money and could easily buy her own place and to top it all you haven’t run away screaming from the idea that I’m sharing a one bedroom flat with our boss so hopefully the four of us will be ok.”

Lewis pulled the car into the car park, climbed out quickly and almost balled James over as he appeared on his side of the car, pulled him into his arms and spoke quietly. “I’m so proud of you James, and so very happy for you both.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT
> 
> This is the end of the story, do not click 'next chapter' unless you want to read the original ending of this story.
> 
> Read chapter 3 at your own risk, I have NOT tagged for its content.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT
> 
> This is the original ending to the story I wanted to write. You read this chapter at your own risk, I have NOT tagged for its content

On Wednesday morning James woke with a warm body against his side, a head on his chest and an arm around his waist and he smiled to himself and then ducked his chin to kiss the top of the head nuzzled under his chin.

“Morning,”

Innocent snuggled even closer and he felt her smile against his chest “Morning.”

“You sleep ok?”

“er…um…”

“er…um…what?” James smiled and hugged Innocent even closer.

Innocent lifted her head and looked up at him, “Er … um, I slept ok once I was cuddled up with you, I lay awake for ages before that.”

“Well, I’m glad to be of help then.” James smiled and Innocent returned it before she lay her head back down on his chest and breathed deeply. 

“Time to get on with the day I think, I don’t want you taking advantage of my absence and being late for work.”

“As if I’d dare try that? First week in my new job, I want to make a good impression don’t I?”

Innocent pushed herself up on her elbow and smiled at James, “I’ll make you some breakfast while you shower, a thanks for the help with sleep.”

James reached out his hand to push a lock of hair that had fallen over Innocent’s face back behind her ear. “No thanks necessary, it’s nice sleeping with you. The world is better with cuddles so the sickly card makers tell us anyway.” James winked, “I’ll take the breakfast though.”

 

Having eaten his scrambled eggs on toast and drunk a large mug of coffee and a glass of orange juice James shrugged on his suit jacket, checking he had his warrant card in his pocket. “Good luck with everything, if you need anything call and please let me know when you’re home safe” James’ face flushed slightly as if he was embarrassed but when Innocent grinned at him it quickly faded.

“I’ll text you as soon as I’m home, I promise, I know you’re worried”

James was worried, very worried, Mr Innocent was being so reasonable, he’d made the divorce process so easy. The financial agreement, although not totally one sided was not as generous as Mr Innocent could probably have expected given the long marriage and the significantly different income levels. The agreement for Innocent to collect her stuff had been made with ease and every step of the way Innocent’s legal representation had been amazed at the compliance of her, almost, ex-husband and had congratulated themselves on doing things the best way for their client and why wouldn’t they when they had absolutely no idea of the beatings, threat and abuse their client had received from this ‘very reasonable’ man over the last five years that James had the evidence of in his drawer and probably many years more than that.

“Sorry, I know it’s not my place to worry”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s nice to have someone who cares about me.” It was Innocent’s turn to look embarrassed but James quickly crossed the room towards her and wrapped her in his arms, hugging her tight and placing a soft kiss on the top of her head,

“I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you then.”

 

 

James checked his phone every ten minutes through the day and, as he was sat in the office he was still sharing with DI Lewis and neither of them had an active case his constant checking didn’t go unnoticed.

“You ok James?”

James looked at Lewis and nodded, “Fine Robbie, yeah.”

Lewis smiled, “Eager for your first case?”

“No,” James tried to resist looking at his phone again, “Just waiting for friend to let me know they’re ok.”

“Oh, I see.” Lewis thought for a moment and James wasn’t quite sure what he was thinking, “The same friend you had staying?”

Without a second’s thought James nodded and smiled, “Yeah, same friend. Sorry for distracting you.”

“No worries, I hope she’s ok.”

“Thanks.” James smiled at Lewis and then went back to reading the file in front of him trying to resist looking at his phone.

 

 

The day dragged and dragged and James didn’t eat, drink or do any useful work as he waited for Innocent to call. At three pm he decided he couldn’t wait any longer and grabbed his phone, dialled her number and put the phone to his ear. The phone rang out, going to the answer machine, and he left a quick message asking her to call when she could and then he tried to focus back on his work but failed completely.

At three thirty both James’ and Lewis’ desk phones rang, Lewis answered his first and the colour instantly drained from his face. James lifted his phone to his ear and seconds later dropped it onto the desk with a bang before grabbing his jacket and rushing out of the office to his car, Lewis almost running behind him.

Twenty minutes after he’d received the call James found himself stood in Innocent’s bedroom, not his bedroom, sandwiched between DI Lewis and Dr Hobson, looking at pools of blood on the sheets, torn clothes and broken glass on the floor and his boss, his friend, his housemate, covered in scratches, bite marks, bruises, cuts and blood.

The dressing table mirror was broken, perfume bottles were spilled and makeup was smeared up the walls, on the bed sheets and on Innocent’s face while what looked like eyeliner had been used to write all kinds of abuse on her arms, legs and chest.

He took a step back, feeling sick, weak in the knees and broken. 

James tried to calm himself down, he knew that he was no use to anyone with his heart racing like he’d just run the hundred metres and his breathing so shallow he couldn’t possibly be getting any oxygen to his brain.

James stuck his hand into his jacket pocket, tracing the edges of his brand new Inspector’s badge with his fingers, and tried to concentrate his thoughts, the main one of which was working out how he was going to tell Lewis and Hobson that, in the third drawer of the dresser in his bedroom, hidden under socks, tights and bras belonging to the victim he had all the evidence they would need to convict their boss’s murderer.

 

The fifth time, the last time, was the time James would never forget for the rest of his life. That day was the day that he finally gave up all hope that there may somewhere be a God.


End file.
